THE PERSON I WANT TO BE

So, long time no write, again. I don't mean to always be flaking on my many many readers and admirers ;) But life is busy sometimes and at the end of the day, sometimes all I want to do is take a good long nap. You probably know what I mean. 

What's been going on with me lately? Well, school (lot's of that), spontaneous adventures with Lauren (like getting nice and going to dinner on a Thursday night and stuffing our face with Pasta), being home alone for a couple days and filling my time with naps and netflix, buying a Hamster with Hannah and Rachel, watching movies and going to movies, and so much more! <<< That was a long list of lots of words, geez. 

Senior year is coming to a close, and there are so much that has to be done with that! Plus, I'm going to Las Vegas for 6 day's in a week from today, so there are things that I need to take care of to make that happen. Luckily, I got most everything in order. My cap and gown sits on my hope chest waiting for June 3rd, and almost all graduation announcements are out (almost).   

As you guys probably know, one of my best friends in the entire world is Elizabeth Highley. The summer after Sophomore year we decided to create a journal for the both of us on google docs so we can read each others entries. (Yes, we're basically old people in love) Anyway, I was reading her entry yesterday on my phone at school, and she was talking about her life lately. She mentioned that she was feeling happy because she was the person she wanted to be, and was becoming the person she wanted to become. It got me thinking. 

Am I the person I want to be? When I was 10, did I picture 18 year old Ella being this way? Am I on track to become the person I want to become?

I think those are pretty fantastic questions to be asking yourselves, especially at the close of high school and the beginning of the rest of your life. 

In my Econ class we were given an assignment in which we have to pick three possible future careers and research how to obtain that profession. This assignment excited me because I love thinking about what I want to do with my life! Of course it's always changing, and kinda of scary, because I want to do so many things at once that I don't have any idea what the heck I want to be. 

When I was in 5th grade I wanted to be a big cat breeder! From 6th to 8th grade it changed to be a fighter pilot in the air force. Freshman year brought thoughts of being a writer and publishing novels. Sophomore year changed that to working at a history museum and doing historical research. 

Right now I really don't know! So, for the assignment, I listed Journalist, History teacher, and a psychologist. All I really know is that I want to write, and I love history. Oh, and I love people. 

In a fireside I saw a couple sundays back, the speaker was talking about making choices. He said something a long the lines of "I hate how everyone identifies themselves so much with what their occupation is. I work at Nike, but I don't want to be just known for that. I'm more than that." 

I think there is a lot of truth to that. The first thing you ask someone, at my age, is what they want to be when they grow up. And as an adult I imagine that the first question you ask someone is, "what do you do for a living?" Why is that? Why, as humans, do we identify so much with what job we have? It's supposed to reflect what we love to do, right? But does it explain everything about us? Does it reflect who we are? 

For me, of course I want to write. I want to fill my mind with facts from the past. I want to understand human nature by what we've done previously. I want to deal with people, meet new people, love more people than I do at current time. 

I also want to be a mom. Not just to my own children, but to adopted children that will grow to be my own, and foster children who need a mother figure at that point in time. I want to be happy, to laugh a lot and sing while I cook and sing in the shower. I want to listen to music, a lot, and watch movies with my husband and kids even more. I want to have a nice house, and a nice car. I want to travel and see the world. I want to find someone that I will grow to love more and more each day. I want to learn German and speak it fluently. I want to be a faithful follower of Christ. I want to be a good and loyal friend. I want people to look at me and think: "Now that is a women who loves people". I want to be up to date with politics, but understanding of everyone's opinions. I want to read all the works of Ernest Hemingway and read as much as I can. 

Now, how do I become this awesome version of myself that I have in my head? Honestly, I'm not completely sure. Wake up in the morning, take it one step at a time, and most of all, I've got to

try.

So what do you want to do? Who do you want to become? How do you become that person? 

Some food for thought. 

If you're reading this, I thank you. It means more to me than you know. 

Signing off until next time, 

Ella Frances Waite