6 months

Currently: sitting on the couch, my pup begging me to throw her toy, my husband making jokes about spider-man while playing his spider-man video game. This is my life.

It’s been over 6 months since Coulsen and I said “I do” in the courthouse in Hillsboro. Over the last 6 months we’ve moved into a new house, our first time renting!!!, went to multiple family events, celebrated the fourth of July, thanksgiving, christmas. We got a puppers. We’ve traveled A LOT (together and separately), watched A LOT of movies, went out to dinner a million times, and bought way too many candles. We’ve also started “The Office” again, twice.

We’ve argued, we’ve laughed, we’ve cried (okay, maybe that’s mostly me).

It’s been a good time. A really really good time. It was the best decision I could have made. And because of this, I’ve been itching to write about this monumental experience of mine. I wanted to tell the world that I’m doing GOOD. Even on the bad days, I’m doing so good, because I have Coulsen *cheesy*.

A few weeks ago I asked people on instagram to ask me some questions about marriage. Because I’ve wanted to write this for so long, I’d exhausted all my ideas of prompts. I needed some fresh minds. Here are the questions I really wanted to answer, and the ones I thought people would be interested to hear.

One thing I’ve learned about myself and one thing I’ve learned about Coulsen through our marriage

Marriage to me, like to anyone I assume, has been an intense learning curve. Some days have been better than others and I think to myself “yes!! This is how it should be!!” and other days I feel like I could be doing so much better to be patient, loving, and to communicate with Coulsen. I’ve learned so much through the good days and the iffy days in the last six months that I’m sure I could fill an entire book. But, for our purposes, I’ll narrow it down to the most important.

I’ve always thought of myself as a really loving and patient person. I never thought I had a problem with getting frustrated, or getting sad, and taking my feelings out on someone. Throughout the last six months, Coulsen and I haven’t really fought or had any big fights. Something I am working on, though, is communicating when I’m frustrated or sad or need more attention. I find myself pushing down my feels so low that when they finally boil over, I almost explode. Sometimes I get so frustrated at Coulsen because he can’t read my mind, but that’s not his fault! He may have gotten the superpower of being extremely good looking ;) but he can’t read minds. I’ve slowly learned that he isn’t the problem, that he isn’t causing my frustrations/stress /sadness. He is always so willing to do whatever I need him to. The biggest thing I’ve learned about myself is that I get mad at people for not knowing what I want or need, and that if I communicate that with Coulsen, he’s happy to help me in any way he can. Sometimes I need more attention, or someone to validate my feelings, etc and he’s fantastic at doing all of that, as long as I just express to him that that’s what I need.

I’ve learned so many little things about him that I didn’t know before. He hates onions? What the heck?

The biggest thing I’ve learned about him, though, is that he will do ANYTHING to make people around him happy. I used to think he was just the biggest extrovert and that he made people laugh because he knows he’s funny (and he truly is hilarious) but I’ve realized that he does it because he loves everyone around him to be happy, smiling, and laughing all the time. If I’m in tears, he’s throwing his best jokes at me. If I’m lost in thought, he’ll repeat something because he knows I’ll think its funny if I’m actually paying attention. Even if we’re just watching a movie, he’ll lean over and make a comment that has me dying.

What is something that surprised you the most about being married?

What a financial change it is. It’s not even that now you’re on your own, supporting yourself. I’m cool with that, that’s not too scary to me! But the fact that all financial decisions I make are affecting Coulsen, too (and vice versa) I never really expected that to be one of the main parts of being married. I was so used to thinking that whatever I needed or wanted, I could just go out and buy that for myself (as long as I had the money haha). I never really worried about saving TOO much because if my car needed fixing or if I needed new tires, my parents were ready to help me out with whatever I needed as long as I was pitching in to support myself. Now, Coulsen and I are on our own. We pay rent and bills every month, we have to talk and prepare for car problems, we have to prepare for Iris’s vet fees, we save so we can plan trips together. It’s not just buying whatever I need or want now, because me and Coulsen are always saving up for our future and because we are supporting ourselves, we try to put a large portion of our paychecks in our savings. Then when we purchase things we have to ask ourselves, “does buying this benefit both of us? Is this putting one of us first or our relationship first?”

How do you manage different religious views?

Shout out to one of my best friends who aint afraid to ask the hard questions. I was hoping this one would come up because I assume a lot of people are wondering about it. It was a big concern when Coulsen and I got married from a lot of both of our family members.

We manage. Coulsen and I have talked so much, before and after we got married, about how our religious views differed and how we would approach that being a married couple and then being parents.

The good part is that Coulsen and I have the same fundamental views about the world. We both have the same idea of what being a good person means, and how we want to live our lives and treat people. We have a lot of the same philosophies. The one thing that sets us apart is that I find religion a comforting cornerstone of my life. I love going to church, I love a majority of the people there, I love the majority of the teachings. It makes me happy to go every sunday!

I think the thing that works the best is that neither of us try to drag the other to “our side”. He never tries to tell me not to go to church, and I never try to force him to come with me. He’s very supportive in me doing anything that makes me happy. I came home after church one day and said “I got a calling! I’m a primary teacher!” And he said “Oh my gosh, you’ll love that!”. When I come home from institute, he asks me how it was.

We even have long discussions about the church. But we also have long discussions on scientific or historical things that aren’t what the church teaches. Coulsen and I both love to learn and we LOVE discussing philosophical, political, historical, and religious things. We had an hour long talk about scientology the other day! We love talking about anything under the sun. That’s what I love about him, he’s so easy to talk to.

How has your relationship grown? Has it affected your relationship with others?

Going from dating long distance, to dating while in the same town, to being married has only really been a drastic change because of our growth as people. Of course I think our relationship grows stronger each day, the biggest difference is living with each other. It’s the whole figuring out who is going to do the majority of the laundry, or the dishes, or who takes out the trash. I tease Coulsen about how the first few months we were married, he would put his dirty dishes next to the sink (not in the sink), and his dirty laundry next to the laundry basket (not in it). He’s gotten the hang of that.

The good thing is, that even though we live together, I’m never tired of him. Sometimes he’ll be watching tv or playing a video game and I’ll be cooking, and I’ll miss him so much I’ll make him stand in the kitchen with me. Just so I can be around him.

That’s probably the biggest effect when it comes to relationships with other people. I love my friends, but I miss Coulsen CONSTANTLY when I’m not around him, even if I’m having the time of my life. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to hang out with people anymore, I just want Coulsen to come with me.

Like I said before, I don't think I could sum up the last 6 months of my life in a blog post even if I tried. And I'm trying... literally... right now. It's been a wild ride with ups and downs (but the majority were ups). I can't wait for what the future holds for Coulsen and I. More dogs? Eventually. Moving? Probably within the next two years. Exciting career opportunities? I hope so. Kids? Of course (we'll see ya in 4 + years, little ones)!

In the meantime, we'll be here, in good old Eastern Oregon. Playing video games (Coulsen) and writing blog posts (me) and playing fetch (Iris).

Signing off until next time,

Ella Frances (Waite) Taggart