when God changes your plans

Two months ago, I had a set in stone plan of how my life was going to be on this very day, November 13, 2016. I knew were I was going to be, I knew I would have straight A's in school, I would be happy in a job, I would have friends here in La Grande, I wouldn't be stressed about money, I wouldn't be sad. If I looked into the future two months ago, I saw pure happiness.

Little did I know most of those things were not God's plan for me. Today I am not in Forest Grove like I had planned to be two months ago, and the reasons for that are reasons of me protecting my heart, and specifics I probably won't share.

Today, I am not getting straight A's. I have two A's and a C. To be honest, one of my classes is almost a B. I haven't been studying as hard as I should be, although I am not completely failing. For the most part I think I'm doing good! But me finishing essays at 1am was not how I figured my life would be at the moment. The good news is I'm trying on this one, and always progressing.

I barely found a job two weeks ago. I am very happy in that job at the moment and am getting along with all of my coworkers but it was not the job I thought I'd get, and I started my job way later than I had planned in my head.

I don't have a group of friends here, to be honest. This is probably because I am shy, I got straight to school from home and straight from school to work. Honestly, I'm okay with that fact. My brother has become one of my best friends in the world in the last two months from how much time we spend together and I have so many great friends already, why need more? I'm barely starting to go do things outside of school (mostly with the people in the church)... So it's not what I planned.

I am stressed about money!! My parents are SAINTS to be helping me as much as they do, but I'm basically wired to stress about money and things. Always worried I won't be able to pay for tuition or food or gas (all of those things I am able to pay for, but I like to over think and be irrational).

I am happy!! For the most part, happiness fills my soul while I'm at school and at work and at church. Especially at church. Sunday's and Wednesdays are my favorite days of the week, when I get to learn more about my savior. I always walk away feel refreshed. Like someone took all to bad feelings from me and replaced them with love.

All that is true, and great butttttttttttt my heart hurts. My heart hurts because so much is changing. I  don't talk to a lot of my old friends because of how different our lives are and our different priorities. My heart hurts because my plans change!!

My point in telling you this isn't supposed to be like "Awh, poor Ella" WHATSOEVER. But a lot of the time I preach happiness because the more I preach, the happier I feel. And this summer was one of the best of my life. I was hardly ever sad, and hardly ever stressed. It was wonderful and I'll look back on those few months with gratitude that I met the people I did and that I did the things I did. Of course it's sad to look back and look at how effortlessly happy I truly was, and how I have to try so hard to be happy right now. But you know the important part? At least I'm happy.

Sometimes God changes things. I was planning on finishing this year at EOU, going to BYU-I next year, maybe married within a year or two or at least in a serious relationship by 20. BUT guess what God told me? Ella, finish this year at EOU, and go on a 18 month LDS mission in the fall. THEN head to BYU-I at 21 years old with only a year of college under your belt. What the heck, God??

Alright, fine, I gotchu. I'll listen. But ONLY because I know you know best ;)

So my hope is writing this and telling you all of this about myself (I'm sure you didn't even need this much information about the life of Ella lol) was to show you that everyone struggles. And I know how much it sucks when God picks you up and puts you on a new path when you were just fine on your last one. I understand how much it sucks when you present this plan to God, excited and ready for the happiness you believe it will bring and hearing him say, "Actually...."...

I get it. I'm with you. Life is complicated but it's only complicated cause we can't see the big picture. He can. God is aware of you, I promise you that.

I love you. I thank you a million times over for reading.

Signing off until the next thought I'm dying to share,

Ella Frances Waite