life and love and all that good stuff

Well, I can safely say this blog post won't be up at the time I intended it to be, but hey. we shouldn't give up now, right?! 

After finally adding together all of the results from the poll I conducted and the people I asked personally, I came to a conclusion about what this blog would entail. I actually turned out to be a tie between two!!!

But, to validate all the answers I got, and to keep my massive fan base (haha) happy, I decided to post blog posts about the other two choices as well, just at a later time. Be expecting those both in the next week or two.

So what's been going on with me lately?

Well, since the last time I posted (in July) A LOT has happened. At the end of July I got to take a trip to La Grande to spend Trampis's birthday with him, see my cousins from Las Vegas, and see another cousin get baptized in Boise. I worked most of August, and in between got to hang out with friends A LOT, and go to some fun events (the beach, my sisters bridal shower, etc). At the end of August I drove to La Grande again to watch Moxon while Trampis was away for football. September got really busy, really fast. I got back from La Grande and stopped working my summer job, and then we were off getting ready for my sisters wedding.
The wedding was a really, really good day. And within that, I got another brother! Upping my sibling count to 11! Excited to make it 12 next summer, too :)
I got to drag Coulsen down to meet my dad after Kenna tied the knot, and we had a fun couple to days there. Unfortunately we were only able to go at that time- while my parents had to be at school during the day. But Couls and I got to sing and read to the cute little kids my step mama teaches and we had fun doing that and hanging out.

Then back to Forest Grove for a little while. I was only there again for a handful of days and spent a lot of my time seeing friends before I had to be teared away from them again. I also tried to soak in my time with my babies, and my mom. As much as I felt I had traveled back in time this summer, I knew I would miss living at home. And I do!!

Coulsen and I caravanned to La Grande, but because of the fires in the gorge, we had to drive on the Washington side for about half of the road here. As much as I was annoyed at this inconvience, I realized that this was something that happens and I decided to instead turn my annoyance into gratitude for all the fire fighters and people who helped with that!! As well as feel sympathy for the people who were pushed out of their homes because of it.
And anyways, the ride was actually BEAUTIUFUL. It was an amazing change of pace, an amazing pick-me-up. I loved it.

I started work the day after arriving here. And instead of rolling my eyes and dragging my feet and not wanting to go, I WAS SO EXCITED! I missed the people I worked with here in La Grande. I actually just missed La Grande as a whole. It was good to be back to further my education.

I started classes- Popular music, History 203, and Acting 1. All of which are taught by amazing teachers, and have captured my interest so successfully. I also started my on campus job, which allows me to do homework as I work and has helped so much with my financial state and success in my classes!!!! I AM SO BLESSED.

When I was finally getting into the groove of this new life, new job, new social scene, it was throw off balance in the best way. A few months back, Couls bought us tickets to an artist we both LOVE, and that concert took place on October 4th, in Boise. It was a fun little road trip. I got to introduce Coulsen to my favorite place to eat in Ontario, we got to wait in line together for THREE HOURS, and then he was there, experiencing my first ever concert by my side. It was amazing.

I mean, the drive back and the next day with classes and work sucked, because I was so physically drained, but it was a perfect experience. I'll talk more about it in my post to come about music :) 

And since then, I've honestly just been hanging out. Calling my parents, making holiday plans, hanging with Couls and Trampis, trying to survive midterms, trying to continue to work my butt off at work and church. I'm happy!!! I'm glad I can say that honestly. 

(Sorry, had to pause for a moment, Couls was actually calling me "just to say hi"... I saw him two hours ago haha :))

And on that note, let's get to the other half of this blog post, shall we? I was actually pleasantly surprised at the feedback that I got, and that the topic of Coulsen and I's story was tied for first place. I almost didn't put it as an option just because I've always been hesitant talking about my feelings for boys, just because those feelings have always been so close to my heart that I don't want people to take them too lightly. I've also always felt weird talking about my relationships, because I've never wanted to force someone to listen to me ramble, as well as when people who are older ask me, I get shy knowing that they are more experienced than me at this. I feel like a baby, still getting on her feet when it comes to all this "love" stuff. 

But I have always prided myself in being that person who doesn't shy away from talking about past relationships. They happened!! They influenced me to be who I am today. So while some of you may have thought, blogging about a boy is risky, you never know what might happen, I'd be okay if things didn't go correctly and I had this whole post proclaiming this love. It's true. It's there. I won't ever be able to deny that, anyways :) 

So here we go. 

Coulsen and I met through mutual friends the summer going into our freshman year of high school. I'd known of him before, and he had known of me, but neither of us had tried to talk to the other until a mutual friend forced it on us. 

Depending on who you ask, the story goes two different ways. The way I remember it (the correct way) is that I got a text from HIM first. He remembers it the other way around, of course. 

But we agree on the first topic of conversation: "So, I heard you like banana's?" He's a weirdo :) 

We texted back and forth while I was away at my dad's, and my friend there convinced me to tell him that I liked him. So I did. He liked me too, thank goodness! And yet, we didn't know what to do about that. So we just kept talking, and eventually, we were dating (as far as dating at the age of 14 without ever really having a conversation in person goes, I guess). We broke up a week later. I was a very independent 14 year old women who didn't need no man. 

Then we dated again, from the first day of freshman year to about the end of that month. Again, I was independent, and I knew what the church counseled. Plus, our dating only really consisted of things we were doing already, as friends, so why not just be friends? 

That idea didn't last long and in December of that year, we were dating, AGAIN. (getting a headache yet??) But this time it actually lasted. Although neither of us could drive, we begged out parents to aide us in hanging out, which only happened a handful of times outside of school. So mostly that's where our relationship grew. In the Hallways of Roseburg High School. 

We were attached at the hip. It was so bad that we were basically coulsenandella instead of Coulsen and Ella. Whenever possible, we were together. It's funny to look back on it now. I thought that was the peak of my love for anyone, ever, writing letters to each other when our phone's were taken away or when his phone number was blocked from my phone. 

Side note: my mom thought we talked a little too much. I would say hour long phone calls every night and non stop texting, even in class, IS a little excessive at 14/15/16 years old. 

But we stayed together through it all and in turn, learned everything about each other that we could. 

And then came that bump in the road that all who know me knows what that is. My parents exclaimed "We're moving!" and we all went to DQ for a blizzard to celebrate. (We weren't telling people quite yet, but I did post a picture of us on our blizzard date on Instagram. It's kinda funny to look back on it and know why we were there when no one else did. Not yet). 

So what were two love birds suppose to do? We continued to date, knowing our time was running out, and when the day finally came for me to head up to Forest Grove for my new adventure, we broke up. We wanted to be young Mormon kids, dating other people for the social scene and not have to be worried about the other person all of the time. We never stopped talking and texting. 

So then came October and the stake youth conference one weekend. When we moved my parents promised I could drive myself down and stay with friends to visit everyone, and they kept that promise. So I took my first road trip by myself all the way down to my old town. It was an incredibly bitter sweet weekend. I mean, I had moved away from a town and then went and visited before, but I had never had this big of a group of friends and people I loved as I did in Roseburg. It felt like their lives had moved on. It's not that they didn't love me, it was just that everything was so different. But it was good to see everyone. I danced my worries away, had sleepovers with two good friends, and yes, I did see Coulsen a lot. 

Our junior year and our senior year were weird for us. We were always friends, constantly texting and calling each other, always saying "I love you". But sometimes we were "dating" and sometimes we weren't. It's hard to put a significant other first when you live three hours away and you don't even really know how to take care of yourself. A lot of our friends were iffy on our relationship because of the back and forth crap that we put each other through, but we were babies! We had no idea what it took to have a healthy relationship. We tried our best. We cared for each other and sometimes we tried really really hard not too because that was just easier. Sometimes we put the other on the back burner while we tried to figure out what we wanted and who we were. But at the end of the day, it was always him for me. 

Senior year was especially hard for our relationship, although it was significantly better for me, emotionally, physically, and socially. Couls and I both went through really serious relationships that year. It was a weird experience trying to figure out how to care for each other while we were trying to give our all to other people and eventually, both of those relationships ended. We knew how we felt but we didn't want to start dating again until we knew it would work. We didn't wait long enough, and it failed again. We both went through extensive changes in our lives and ourselves in general. 

Then we were graduates! Yay! And we were trying to figure out what our future would look like and that was hard too, but also good. We got to visit each other several times in the early summer going into our freshman year of college. 

Love and relationships come and go at really weird times, at least that's been my experience. I've learned over the years (from personal experiences and from examples within my close family and friends) that you really have to cling to the good relationships you have, because if you relax and neglect it even in the slightest degree, it can fall apart before you even realize what's happening. 

I got into another pretty serious relationship at the end of August the summer of 2016. It was my longest relationship besides Coulsen and I. But when that ended, too, for reasons unrelated to C, he was there for me, yet again. 

We face timed approximately 3 times a day last year. Our classes lined up enough that we face timed when we woke up, when we had a break in between classes, and right before bed. Is it possible to talk to someone too much? Because we never found that out. SOMEHOW we always had something to tell each other. When he said "I'm gonna come to Eastern next year for you" I replied with "haha no you're not". He applied, I still didn't believe it. He got accepted, and I still didn't think he would actually end up coming here, but I told people that was the plan anyway. I figured it was too good to be true. During the end of last school year and the beginning of this summer, we had long really really  late talks about our future and how hard our road was going to be- with him not being affiliated with the church and me trying to be a faithful, active member. We also discussed how we would work living in the same town again. 

We took a gamble and we know it. But so far (guess what) it's been working!! He's my forever best friend, the person that makes me laugh the most. We're both stubborn, we're very different, and our relationship is so far from perfect, but we try our best and love each other as much as we can. 

This isn't my normal post content. Some of you might have thought "ew, sappy stuff" (that's me most of the time anyway) but I've been getting a lot of questions about my relationship and I wanted to be open about it. Coulsen and I plan on a future together, but we know how hard it would be, and we understand that anything can happen. But we're in love. 

"But we were never lonely and never afraid when we were together"

-Ernest Hemingway 

(My main man and the KING of romance without being so disgustingly sappy) :) 

Thank you so so so much for reading. It means so much to me!!!

And hey, stay tuned for those posts next week and the week after. I need to get better at blogging. So help me out with feedback and all that jazz. 

Signing off until next time this blog brings us together, 

Ella Frances Waite